so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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