every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
it's not cheating when I paid for it
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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