My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Randomize
