Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
