Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
