Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
