My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
