One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
