So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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