I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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