so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
