Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
