and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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