U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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