out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
