WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Your penis caused this!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
