is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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