I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
