Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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