it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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