...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
