so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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