I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
