After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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