I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Randomize
