Im at strip club and am horny
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The Olympian is in my bed
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
