i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
