was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
that may or may not have been my penis.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
