I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
