so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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