It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
