I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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