the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
