Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
