Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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