It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
