If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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