How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
