dude i'm inner monologue high
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
this hospital has no fireball
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
