Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
