If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Randomize
