Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
