exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
