hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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