Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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