I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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