where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
