Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
