Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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