every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
